The video below is actually a jewelry ad, but I think it's brilliant. If you're a woman you've undoubtedly had to suffer this at one point or another.
Since my boyfriend never looks at my writing online, I am
free to tell his story without hurting his feelings (unless one of you chooses
to tell him, but let's keep it between us, okay?). The first December we were
together, he gave me a luggage cart. I had been hoping for something pretty and
romantic - it was too soon for a ring, but I thought that a vintage silver and
amethyst bracelet might be nice. Or maybe a mystical amulet that would speak of
the deeper aspects of our connection. Or at the very least, an ornately-carved
box in which to hide our "stash" (we were indulging in substances not
quite legal at the time - okay, extremely illegal). But no -
I had spent a good portion of the past year traveling and he thought a luggage
cart might come in handy.
A few weeks later, we split up. I made him take back his stupid luggage cart and continued to lug my suitcase around by hand. Eventually we got back together, but I never took back the cart. Brian has since learned his lesson: give me either jewelry or toys (I have a passion for toys, the more girly and childish, the better). But to this day, 14 years later, whenever I think of that luggage cart, I feel exactly like that girl in the video.
Now, it's your turn: what's your rotten holiday gift story? C'mon, out with it. The more lunkheaded the better.
Yes, indeed I could relate to this horrible, HORRIBLE tragedy. My stories are many and long so I will briefly gain detail and bow-out before my angry muscle is prodded with the hot poker! I too received gifts such as Ironing Boards, Crock Pots, and even the ever-loving Wok. The sheer fact that it was made of Teflon was supposed to be the saving grace, according to that "relationship". Another guy who claimed I was the "one for him" left the "Old Navy" receipt for the Sweater he had bought me inside of the decoratively recycled bag he presented it to me in. Strangely enough, the "To: Wesley -From: Your Kissie-Face" tag was still attached. I also noticed that on the discretely enclosed tag that my sweater had been purchased in obvious multiples ~ later finding that there were several "one'z for him". Skipping along through the memories of pathedic gifts received by men that makes Santa's bad list look pretty darned short, I truly believe that the top two were a Lotto Ticket stuffed into a generic Christmas card that all of his friends and family had also received. Had it won... quite possibly he would have been on top of me vs. my shit-list, but much like him ~ the ticket was a loser. Alas, the present I rec'd that made #1 was an Amaryllis bulb (without the dirt but DID include a cracked plastic pot for planting!). Since I was SO much "in love" with this man I felt I needed to treasure and nurture it like it was a newborn baby! While being the sentimental puke that I am I even kept the friggin' box I received it in that upon flipping it over I caught sight of the "clearance" price. The bitch grew and since our relationship was as seasonal as a flowers bloom, I recall crying my heart out while hugging this Amaryllis when "he just wasn't sure about us". I stopped coddling the plant, it grew like crazy, and he later visited when my feelings for him had deminished. As he walked through the door for our visit he said; "Hey, that's a pretty plant, where'd ya get that?"... unreal... This year I am single and when I don't receive a present, I'm pretty sure it will be less disappointing than any of those memorable Christmas'!!! Happy Holidays to all you other Ladies, and to you Janiss! Thank you for sharing your story. I hope Brian gets you something wonderful!
Franny*
Posted by: Franny | December 16, 2008 at 11:08 PM