Note: Some of you know me as a fitness writer. Some of you know me as a rock journalist. If you are expecting sensible, healthy fitness advice in this post... well, all I can say is that there's probably more rock 'n' roll and not so much sense in what I have to say here about holiday eating. It works for me. I can't guarantee it will work for you. Hopefully it won't kill you if you try it. But I'm not gonna lie and say it's the perfect approach to eating well. It's just the way I keep from putting on weight during the holidays.
Just to let you know, I only have "skinny" jeans. I don't believe in having "fat" clothes. "Fat" clothes are a slippery slope. So you might imagine that the holidays are a stressful time for me - if I gain more than a pound or two, I have NO clothes to wear! But I breeze through the holidays, eating what I like, fairly unconcerned about my wardrobe. I have a secret, you see. And no, it's not an eating disorder. And yes, I'm going to share it with you. It's a whole approach to holiday eating that's sometimes healthy, often not, but that allows me to indulge within reason without having to face a closet of unwearable clothes come January 1. Honestly, I don't know if this will work for anyone other than me. But it DOES work for me.
This whole approach is based on simple math: you want CI=CO - Calories In = Calories Out. That's what you're doing right now to maintain your current weight. You need to figure out how to enjoy the holidays while keeping that ratio. Here's how I do it:
- Go on a diet that starts Thanksgiving week and ends New Year's Day.
I can hear you whining already - "Whaddya mean diet! You nuts? That's impossible!" Stop jumping to conclusions. You know what a diet is really supposed to be? Packing the highest possible amount of nutrition into the smallest amount of calories. The truth is that most people fit a tiny amount of nutrition into a rather large daily caloric intake. Let's face it, most of those yummy holiday treats are full of sugar, fat, carbs and lots of unhealthy stuff with little or no nutrition whatsoever. So if you eat the way you normally do, plus have cookies, pie and eggnog on top of it, you are WAY over your normal CI.
CI>CO=MF (More Fat).
I'm not saying do something stupid like adopt a fad diet for the holidays. Not only are fad diets unhealthy, they're really un-fun. And I want my holidays to be fun. The kind of diet I'm talking about is one you'll find in an issue of Shape, Self, or Health magazine. They have them in nearly every issue - a week's menu of highly nutritious meals that only cost you around 1,400 - 1,500 calories a day. Here's the kicker about these diets - when I go on them, I find I'm eating even MORE food than normal! That's because they are 100% nutrition and 0% junk. (You'll be getting your junk at holiday parties and get-togethers, remember?) This diet is what you'll be eating whenever you're not consuming holiday treats. Combine a low-cal diet with a reasonable amount of holiday indulgences and it'll all even out. And if you do end the holiday season a few pounds over, you'll already BE on a diet!
- Skipping breakfast sometimes is completely okay.
While you're flipping through that issue of Shape in search of their "Be Bikini Ready Six Months Before Swimsuit Season" diet, you'll probably find their writers hounding you to always eat breakfast. And yes, eating breakfast every day is a wise thing to do... eleven months out of the year. In fact, it's a smart thing to do most of December too. Eating breakfast gives you more energy throughout the day and you won't be starving by 10 or 11 a.m. and in search of the donuts. BUT - and here's the exception to the rule - if you've totally pigged out the night before because you were at some party or family event, what are you doing eating breakfast the next day? You're probably not even hungry yet. So skip it. Wait until mid-morning or later and then have that snack of low fat vanilla yogurt and tablespoon of slivered almonds from your Shape diet. Remember, CI=CO, and you probably ate enough the night before, calorie-wise to last you a day or two. So you need to balance it out.
- Be a picky, rude eater.
I am a person of intense likes and dislikes when it comes to food. This goes double for the holidays. I can't afford to waste calories on food I don't like, so I don't eat things that contain zucchini, sweet potatoes, peas or apricots (all these are near the top of my "yuck" list. Yours, I'm sure, will be different). If I go somewhere that has a huge buffet, I load up my plate with all my very favorite foods and I don't even bother with anything I feel ho-hum about. Sometimes this means I eat dessert and no main course whatsoever. Who cares? It's one night out of the year and this nutritional nightmare is not going to kill me. For me, holiday food is about passion, and if I ain't feeling the passion, I ain't eating it. I don't care whose aunt made the fruitcake - it's not getting anywhere near my lips. Okay, I won't be a total jerk about this. Just a semi-jerk. If some horrible dish really matters to someone, I will do one of two things. Either I'll say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I'm so stuffed from eating your [insert cook's other, better culinary delight here] that I can't even think of eating another bite." Or I'll resort to that trick known by every 7-year-old that ever lived: put a tiny amount on my plate, then proceed to mash it around until it looks like I've eaten most of it when I actually haven't even touched it.
What about those of you who love absolutely everything? Sorry, I can't help you. Just don't be an idiot and stop when you're full.
- Eat WAY less on party days.
Another suggestion you'll see in those healthy mags is to "have a cup of soup" or something else that's filling before going to a party, and that you should never, ever starve yourself on party days. Bollocks. Seriously, is slurping down some boring cup of soup going to stop you from eating a load of the best artichoke dip in town? It's never worked for me. That said, I don't recommend starving yourself on party days either (although, yes, I have done that). Usually I eat lightly throughout the day, just enough to take the edge off my hunger. I don't want to show up starving to the party because then I'll be ready to grab anything, even Cousin Francine's apricot loaf. And as I just mentioned, one of the keys here is to only eat what you love and nothing else. I want to show up with a calorie deficit, but not one so large that it equals the national debt.
- Treats trump meals.
What do you do when the host insists you take home a plate of Christmas cookies? Eat a couple for breakfast the next day, of course! Let's face it, you are gonna eat those cookies no matter what, so why waste calories on cereal? As I've already mentioned, a healthy breakfast is expendable on occasion, and this is definitely one of those times. I've had cookies for breakfast, cake for dinner, stuffing for lunch. My boyfriend's older brother always gives us a Harry & David basket as a gift, so I wind up replacing a lot of meals with treats for a couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, my place is a nutritional house of horrors during the holiday season, but whatever. Come January, I'll have more room on my calorie card for broccoli and egg whites. And by then I'll probably be craving them because here's the other deep, dark secret of holiday eating: if you're consuming mostly junk (yummy junk, but junk nevertheless), your body will start craving healthy food after a while. At least that's what happens with me. By the time holiday season is over, I'm so sick of cookies and brie and pie and dip that salads start to sound really, really good. In fact, we're only halfway into December and I'm already sick of chocolate. That's great - it means I'll probably skip the brownies at the next party.
So if you see me at a holiday gathering, loading up my plate with a mound each of mashed potatoes and stuffing, a smidgen of turkey (dark meat only), 3 iced Christmas cookies, a large salad and NO chocolate pecan pie, now maybe you'll understand the method to my madness.
